i hate quitting.

the portland marathon is 19 days away and i have 3 days to decide if i'm running it or not. if i don't run it, i can still transfer to another season (probably the summer season and do the eugene marathon on 5/1/11) and not lose too much of the money i fundraised.

but i hate quitting. the competitor in me wants to run (we're "thisclose" to the race and i've been training for 4 months!).

knee -- you're killing me here!!!

iliotibial what?

i kind of suck at blogs! i always get really excited about the prospect of keeping a blog, but then i suddenly realize that i haven't posted in two months, which kind of defeats the purpose of keeping a blog.

at any rate, the big news lately is that i have been battling with iliotibial band syndrome (according to wikipedia, one of the leading causes of lateral knee pain in runners). with the portland marathon less than 3 weeks away, i am getting less and less optimistic about actually accomplishing my marathon goal this year. which, i'm not going to lie, is a huge bummer considering i've now put 4 months of time into it (7 if you count the half marathon training from january to april). but when i can barely make it through the first 6 miles of a 20 mile run, i'm not so sure that 4 1/2 hours of running in excruciating pain sounds like fun.

so, i'm very, very, very cautiously optimistic that this thing will work itself out before 10/10/10. after all, it came on without warning, so perhaps it will go away without warning. in the meantime, i'm going to physical therapy and hoping that will help.

next year, I might try biking instead!

why i love baz luhrmann

i don't even know where to begin tonight because i have a gazillion and one thoughts going on in my head right now.

the first thing i'll say is that our team in training workout tonight ROCKED! i remember experiencing a runner's high in high school cross country, but i forgot what it felt like. for the last 12 years, i've been an on-again-off-again runner, never quite having the motivation to stick to a schedule and run by myself. well, all that has changed with team in training. this week just feels downright amazing. i feel like rocky balboa -- fist pumps and all!! i can feel all of this sweat and hard work paying off. my body is getting stronger. i'm getting faster. i'm running further. and it. feels. darn. good!!

so, not only that, but i was listening to 94.7 in the car on the way home and they were playing songs from 1998, which brought me right back to manton high school. we had the verve, third eye blind, green day, barenaked ladies, the beastie boys, and -- one of my all time favorites -- baz luhrmann, everybody's free (to wear sunscreen). some of life's most amazing pieces of advice are in that song.

• Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked….
• Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.
• Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.
• one point that is especially true for me -- Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and
  lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.
• one my mom always taught me -- Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one
  might run out.
• my favorite -- Enjoy your body, use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own...

seriously. amazing stuff. i'm not afraid to share that i literally had tears in my eyes listening to it. i don't know if it was because i was on such a high after my workout... or if it's because i'm getting older and realizing just how true all of these points are... or just simply feeling nostalgic for a time when i wasn't becoming so "adult."

but, truthfully, i think it was the point about being young and having so much possiblity before you. i think about where i thought i was heading in life when i graduated from college and compare it with where i have ended up. they are such different places, but that's ok. you know why? it's because i have a wonderful life. and you know what else? the possiblities are still endless. they will continue to be. we must all constantly grow and change and adapt. life is too short to let opportunities pass us by and it is too short to ever let our imaginations shut down.

with that, i should mention that i'm meeting with the director of global soul international (coincidentially named chad) next week to talk about volunteer opportunities. i'm excited to see what he has to say!!

10 random facts about me

1. i am obsessed with photography blogs. i love them. i read them every day and live vicariously through the photographers. i am saving up for a nikon d60 and in the meantime am pouring over photography books like understanding exposure and the adobe photoshop cs4 book for digital photographers. maybe one day i'll be able to take photos that are half as good as some of these folks: Esther Havens Photography, Gary Chapman Photography, Jasmine Star Photography, The Beautiful Mess (owned and operated by a guy i went to high school with and his uber-talented wife), and Love the Schultzes. there are many more photographers that i follow online, but these are some of my favorites.

2. i am obsessed with goals. i have fitness goals, financial goals, weekend goals (get "insert chore here" done). for example, i decided last fall that i was going to run a half marathon this year... well, i've done that, am doing the cascade lakes relay in a couple of weeks, and the portland marathon in october. my half marathon turned into a running trifecta... and that's just the way i like it.

3. my dog is my child. i love her like i imagine i will love my future human children. i worry for her safety, i spoil her, i'm proud of her when she learns something new, and i love, love, love cuddling with her. she makes me happy.

4. i have a husband (and a dog!) that can't sit still, which is probably why we're so good together. if we have a day off, we're off to the lake, on a hike, golfing, biking or playing tennis. he also hates shopping. i think he's been a good influence on my fitness level and my spending habits.

5. i have nervous breakdowns when things are messy or out of place -- not so good when you live with a man and a dog. when they first arrived in oregon in february, i was constantly stressed out about my messy car for WEEKS! i still hate that there is dog hair, dirt and dust everywhere in my car... but i try not to get upset about it.

6. i have visited 9 countries and lived for a period of time in 2 of them (france for 13 months and new zealand for nearly 4 years). next up: chile and peru in 2011 (see? another goal.).

7. my husband and i had a fairy tale start to our relationship. we met in france where we lived at an abbey, and on our first date we kissed in front of a castle. we both cried at the paris airport when we had to leave each other because, at the time, we didn't know when we'd see each other again. and then he missed me so much, he asked me to move to new zealand to be with him -- and it took me about 1/2 a day to decide to go. that's just how i roll.

8. if my checkbook isn't up-to-date down to the penny at any given point, i feel unsettled! weird but true. i like knowing exactly how much money i have.

9. chad and i are one of those fancy couples that own property overseas -- we have a house in new zealand. not because we necessarily want to, though. we tried to sell it last year and couldn't, so we put tenants in it. we'll put it back on the market late this year. better luck this time.

10. ice cream and espresso are two of my favorite things. put them together in a milkshake and i'm one happy girl.

refreshed

our little family spent the holiday weekend in manzanita on the oregon coast. what an charming little town! there is something about the beach and the ocean that leaves you both relaxed and in awe. we'll definitely be back again this summer (hopefully when it warms up and we can lay out in the sun)!

here's a shot of chad and fife playing in the pacific ocean. doesn't this look idyllic?

the thing i'm grateful for today is summer heat and sun! we hit 87 today - the highest temperature so far this summer. it's supposed to be in the 90's tomorrow. i say BRING IT ON!!!!

blue skies... smiling at me...

nothing but blue skies... do i see...

yes, that's right, we haven't seen the rain in oregon for several days now! yippee! in fact, i even put shorts on yesterday. yes, shorts at the end of june - crazy thought, right?

it's amazing how good you feel when the warm sun hits your face. i think that's the good thing about spring and all the rain. it makes you appreciate the great weather so much more when sun finally comes your way, and not take the sun for granted. this logic could be applied to a lot of things in life, as i'm sure we've all experienced.

this week was quite something. i got a lot done:

i signed up as a monthly donor to the un refugee agency and am currently filling out a volunteer application for global soul international.

i met with the panel members for the new zealand vs. oregon pinot noir "faceoff" tasting i'm organizing to raise money for ¡salud!

i celebrated my 1 year anniversary at adelsheim - and therefore could finally become a responsible adult and sign up for a 401k.

we made a decision on packaging changes for our wallace brook label. (yay! forward motion!)

we started making plans for the winery's 40th anniversary next year - quite the event line-up!

coming up:
i'll run 9 miles in the morning with team in training!! then i'll be helping on saturday, sunday, monday and tuesday with oregon pinot camp!

on monday, chad and i will also be attending a lecture called "food, labor and immigration," which should be extremely interesting - especially given chad's work as a viticulturist managing a non-english speaking all-hispanic crew.

all this while the blue skies keep smiling! :-)

what i'm thankful for today - seasons. winter and spring make you really appreciate summer when it finally makes an appearance! fall is simply gorgeous.

my internal conflict

on tuesday night, i watched the movie beyond borders which we had from netflix. i actually used to own the movie and lost it somewhere along the way (i think it ended up being left behind at the abbey in pontlevoy). at any rate, i can honestly say that it is one of my favorite movies ever made. it touches me beyond words; i was literally crying throughout the movie. i know exactly how angelina feels when she is at the charity ball and clive owen bursts in with the ethiopian boy. he starts talking about life in the western world, about champagne, and dancing, and the wastefulness of it all... all while the ethiopian boy he has brought lives on less than 300 calories a day. she breaks out in tears and the next thing you know, she is in africa bringing medical supplies and food - and ends up working for the united nations refugee agency (UNHCR).

you probably all know that during college and after graduation, i had longed for a career in diplomacy, international relations or international development. after a failed attempt at a state department internship in bangkok in 2003, i applied for the peace corps. i was halfway through the application process (about to get my medical exam) when i got the offer to go work in france. and we all know that's where i met chad and went to new zealand and ended up in the wine industry.

i love working in this industry, don't get me wrong. wine people are very passionate about what they do - not only that, but they are just plain fun. the wine we make is really beautiful and i certainly enjoy drinking it. wine bonds people and is part of some very memorable social experiences. it sparks conversation, it speaks to its home, it comes in many different forms, it is wrapped up in cultures all over the globe - in much the same way as cuisine. oh, and my office looks out on a vineyard. seriously. it's a beautiful place to be.

that said, over the last nearly six years in the industry, i have really struggled to come to grips with what i do. when it comes down to it, i'm not helping anyone. what i'm doing is promoting a product that is a discretionary expense. i deal with people with too much money and too many coture clothes for their own good. winemaking is farming and fermenting fruit. however, people make it out to be much more important than it actually is. i help sell $75 bottles of wine when what i really want to do - if i'm completely 100% honest - is send that $75 to the UNHCR for refugees. i mean, really, there are 10.5 MILLION refugees in the world right now. can you imagine being uprooted from your home, never able to return due to war, civil unrest, persecution or otherwise...? walking for days upon days just to get to some help, facing wild animals, crazy guys with machine guns, rape, murder, torture along the way? that really puts things into perspective, doesn't it? watch the movie hotel rwanda if you want to see it in full moving color. the quote "you're black. not only are you black, but you're african" makes me, in a word, sad.

today i came across the blog of photographer joni kabana who is from here in oregon. she recently spent some time in ethiopia documenting maternal medical projects. i had no idea that something like fistulas even existed. the fact that joni met an 8-year-old girl with one because she had been sodomized just makes me completely disgusted by what horrible things one human being can inflict on another. even more than that, the fact that women in the developing world walk for days to get to these clinics is astonishing. many of them are turned away because there is so much need for help and there are so few doctors. one of the things joni talked about was the pain of turning someone away when you knew their need was just as great as the person you chose to help. how do you decide who gets helped and who doesn't?

i want to donate to global soul international. i want to help. i want to buy that nikon d90 and learn every nook and cranny so i can help tell stories like the stories of these women in ethiopia or the stories of the refugees that unhcr helps on a daily basis. i want to travel abroad and volunteer. i just can't shake that need to help, even when sitting here in my air conditioned office looking out on the vineyard and drinking my readily available cold and clean water. for now, i donate. then i learn. then i travel.

watch this space. and in the meantime, donate to UNHCR, global soul international, or one of the many hundreds of aid organizations that exist, if you can. even $15 helps.

p.s. the thing i'm grateful for today is technology. without it, stories like those joni heard in ethiopia wouldn't get told as easily or to as many people.

summer tunes

i walked through the cellar today and the guys were all jamming to Fat Freddy's Drop, a favorite new zealand band of mine. chad and i saw them in concert at Peregrine Wines during my first summer in nz. in fact, we took in a cooler (aka "chilly bin") containing cans of red bull and a bag of ice. when the lady at the gate asked us if we had vodka in our bag of ice, we just awkwardly laughed because, well, we actually did. thankfully she let us through anyway - which made for a fun night, lol! at any rate, this band is one of my favorites, especially for sitting out next to the bbq on a warm summer's evening... or just for listening to at your desk, which i'm doing as we speak.

you can find them here on itunes.

in other news, i promised yesterday that i'd try to keep a "things i'm thankful for" list going. here is day 2:

i am thankful that i have a healthy body which allows me to do things like run a 216.6 mile relay! t minus 5 weeks and 3 days until the cascade lakes relay. i see LOTS of hill training in my near future...

thanksgiving day in june

i'm feeling a bit negative today, complaining about work on a monday when i need to just be thankful that i have a job in the first place - and a great job at that!

so, i'm deferring to an earlier blog post (here) that was meant to remind me that "every day is a good day." in honor of that, i'm going to try to post something every day that i'm thankful for.

day one:

i am thankful for my job, especially at a time when so many others do not have jobs. yes, some days are frustrating, but the bottom line is that i'm well compensated, i work with a great team, and i look out at a vineyard for goodness sakes!

life is good.

oh, internet

the power of the internet literally astounds me. on one hand, i think it's fantastic that we can look up anything we want about anyone or anything in the world and have answers within seconds.

on the other hand, i think it's sad how we're all so connected electronically that it takes away from actually connecting with people in more personal ways. we all carry cell phones around like they're a third arm, but do we actually ever call anyone on it? and if someone does call you, do you answer it? do people still stop by each others houses just to say hi and have a cup of tea? do we remember anything that is going on in someone's life without being prompted by facebook to remember? i think not. the internet completely takes away any and all brain activity that existed in pre-internet life. i, for one, can barely remember 5 phone numbers now. why is that? it's because i don't have to.

it's also scary how someone can post something about your or your company that is so completely misrepresentative of the truth. but at least the comment box lets you reply in real time and hopefully clear up whatever the misrepresentation is. i can't imagine being a teenager today, though. imagine if all the clique-y mean things that happened in high school extended into the wider online world.... how awful. anyone can say anything they want at any time - which is not necessarily a good thing.

in all honesty, sometimes i wish i grew up in the 60's and 70's when rotary phones were still around. wouldn't it be great to go out to eat in a restaurant and not have your whole table on their cell phones checking facebook? socializing in person... what a novel idea!