joy

when we were riding in the car last weekend, chad asked me what i was thinking about and i replied with, "joni kabana's blog post about photographing in developing nations."  in her post, she talks about how people in africa experience joy in life like americans never experience. "often people will break out in song and dance, expressing pure and unadulterated elation." i have often thought that, when viewing photos from developing nations, there is a happiness in the faces of people there that we don't experience in this country.  they have so few material possessions, but hearts that are full of happiness and joy.  it seems that here in america, it is the opposite.  we have more than we could ever ask for, and yet we still complain.

i also can't help but think about how disconnected we are in this country.  we're disconnected socially (we're so wrapped up in our blackberries and iphones, we've completely forgotten how to interact face-to-face), agriculturally (there aren't many foods that we eat that wasn't first put through a lab), and physically (it's not uncommon to hear about how someone bought the latest and greatest video game system or the new flat-screen tv with a sharper picture.  heck, we even have video games that supposedly help get us in shape.  god forbid we actually go outside and walk around.).

i can't help but think that with all of our gyms, our top-of-the-line healthcare systems, our fad diets, we still couldn't physically do what ethiopian men and women do every day just to live.  the physical strength they need to collect wood to build a fire so they can cook their food, or so that they can walk to collect water, or so that they can walk for days just to get to a hospital.  it's beyond what any of us in this country could ever imagine.

when i mentioned this to chad, he had some interesting insight.  he said that they put all of their effort in to just living... getting from day to day.  whereas americans (or the developed world in general) take our shelter, food, water, clothing, for granted.  it's just there, provided for us at the store, or out of the tap.  he said that americans are looking for something else to fill the time other than just living.  they're looking for the next level.

it's a valid point.  however, the more i think about it, the more that i realize that is exactly what i DON'T want to do:  fill the time with meaningless things (blackberries, video games, reality tv) instead of living.  i want to know what it feels like to experience "pure joy and unadulterated elation."    i want to seek joy.  so, how do i get to that "next level" without using technology to get me there?  how do i stay connected, socially, agriculturally, physically, spiritually? most importantly, what can i do to help people?

tell me, what do you do to seek joy in your life?  

photography field trip at omsi

my photography class met this morning at the oregon museum of science and industry (omsi) in portland for a field trip.  monday is our last class, so our goal today was to take 3 - 5 photos to share and explain why they are interesting.

i'm not sure why they're interesting, but here they are.  i must admit that i was feeling a bit uninspired at omsi, especially with such a broad assignment (pretty much anything i wanted to shoot).  that said, i tried panning for the first time and i liked how they came out.  another observation: i also really need to work on incorporating people into my photos and getting over my fear of asking to photograph them. photos with people in them are so much more interesting and dynamic.

car payment gets the boot

so, i mentioned a couple of months ago that i have been working on implementing dave ramsey's baby steps into my financial life and i'm on step two: list your debts smallest to largest and pay them off as a 'debt snowball.' (chad is working on step 3 since he is already debt free.)

i'm happy to announce that debt number two was paid off just moments ago.  so, i now have $0 in credit cards and $0 in car loans! YES!

there are still two student loans for me to work on, though, while chad continues on his savings plan for our emergency fund and a "one last hurrah before kids" trip to south america at the end of this year.

it's a slow process (or at least it seems that way), but we are getting there little by little.  it will be so worth it in about 16 months when everything is paid off and we have a fully stocked emergency fund!  

goals list check-in

on 17 june, i made a list of goals i wanted to accomplish before i turned 30.  i figured since i only have 4 months to go, i might as well check in:

1) run the cascade lakes relay and the portland marathon (training in progress)  i did the cascade lakes relay and had an awesome time!  i'm actually signed up to do the hood to coast in august 2011 with my tnt girls.  we are called the 'fit beaches.'  hehe.  

unfortunately, the portland marathon thing didn't work out because of IT band syndrome.  i'm trying again for the eugene marathon on 1 may, but - honestly - i'm not feeling so confident.  i had IT band problems again on saturday (the first time this season).  i'm debating on whether i want to go through the whole physical therapy debacle again.  it didn't work last time.  i'm running again tomorrow (12 miles if all goes well), so i'll know more once that happens. 

2) sell the house in nz; explore options for buying here in the valley  we have the house back on the market as of the end of november, but not one person has looked at it.  so frustrating!  the market in cromwell is dead as a doornail right now and the realtors don't seem to have anything optimistic to say to us (that is, if they say anything at all - communication doesn't seem to be their strong point).  we might just have to call this goal a wash for now.

3) start a 401k (i.e. finally be a responsible adult) - plus some other financial goals  started the 401k, but then stopped contributing in january, as i am now working on my debt snowball.  according to my schedule, i should have my two student loans paid off in 18 months!!  how amazing will that be?  

4) buy a nikon d90, keep reading photography books and blogs, and see if we can't create some acceptable images!  i am extremely happy to say that, due to my amazing employer, this is underway!  i got the camera last month and started photography classes this week!  i'm SO, SO, SO excited!!!

5) go to nz for dane and julia's wedding and christmas with the douglas clan  due to dave ramsey, i opted to forgo this trip.  chad and i went solo for a few weeks -- i went to michigan for the holidays and he went to nz.  it worked out very well, as i hadn't been back to michigan since the previous christmas.

6) book trip to chile and peru (even if the actual travel doesn't happen until after my 30th birthday)  the plans for this trip are underway, although it has been edited to include peru and argentina!  we have a whiteboard on our fridge that is tracking our savings goals and we should be on track to book flights in june for travel in november.  we're tentatively going to peru to hike to machu picchu, followed by a couple of weeks in argentina -- mendoza, salta and buenos aires.  


i guess - overall - this isn't so bad.  goals 1 and 2 are kind of out of my hands, goals 3 and 5 got amended for bigger goals, and goals 4 and 6 are very much underway.  

word for the day: discouraged

i had another physical therapy treatment this morning and discussed the option to postpone the marathon with my therapist.  we both agreed it would be in my best interest to switch to the spring season (eugene marathon).  that will give me 3 months to rest my leg, do some strengthening exercises and try to correct the muscle imbalances.


i'm not going to lie, i'm not happy.  to have trained all this time and not be able to cross the finish line with my team pretty much sucks.  but, from all accounts, the eugene marathon is a cool event and (added bonus) at least one of my current teammates will be running the season with me.  oh, and my funds for TNT transfer with me.  so, all is not lost. 


unfortunately, the weather today is cold and rainy, so i think that's just exacerbating my discouraged mood.  i'm drowning my sorrows in a latte. 

i hate quitting.

the portland marathon is 19 days away and i have 3 days to decide if i'm running it or not. if i don't run it, i can still transfer to another season (probably the summer season and do the eugene marathon on 5/1/11) and not lose too much of the money i fundraised.

but i hate quitting. the competitor in me wants to run (we're "thisclose" to the race and i've been training for 4 months!).

knee -- you're killing me here!!!

iliotibial what?

i kind of suck at blogs! i always get really excited about the prospect of keeping a blog, but then i suddenly realize that i haven't posted in two months, which kind of defeats the purpose of keeping a blog.

at any rate, the big news lately is that i have been battling with iliotibial band syndrome (according to wikipedia, one of the leading causes of lateral knee pain in runners). with the portland marathon less than 3 weeks away, i am getting less and less optimistic about actually accomplishing my marathon goal this year. which, i'm not going to lie, is a huge bummer considering i've now put 4 months of time into it (7 if you count the half marathon training from january to april). but when i can barely make it through the first 6 miles of a 20 mile run, i'm not so sure that 4 1/2 hours of running in excruciating pain sounds like fun.

so, i'm very, very, very cautiously optimistic that this thing will work itself out before 10/10/10. after all, it came on without warning, so perhaps it will go away without warning. in the meantime, i'm going to physical therapy and hoping that will help.

next year, I might try biking instead!

why i love baz luhrmann

i don't even know where to begin tonight because i have a gazillion and one thoughts going on in my head right now.

the first thing i'll say is that our team in training workout tonight ROCKED! i remember experiencing a runner's high in high school cross country, but i forgot what it felt like. for the last 12 years, i've been an on-again-off-again runner, never quite having the motivation to stick to a schedule and run by myself. well, all that has changed with team in training. this week just feels downright amazing. i feel like rocky balboa -- fist pumps and all!! i can feel all of this sweat and hard work paying off. my body is getting stronger. i'm getting faster. i'm running further. and it. feels. darn. good!!

so, not only that, but i was listening to 94.7 in the car on the way home and they were playing songs from 1998, which brought me right back to manton high school. we had the verve, third eye blind, green day, barenaked ladies, the beastie boys, and -- one of my all time favorites -- baz luhrmann, everybody's free (to wear sunscreen). some of life's most amazing pieces of advice are in that song.

• Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked….
• Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.
• Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.
• one point that is especially true for me -- Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and
  lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.
• one my mom always taught me -- Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one
  might run out.
• my favorite -- Enjoy your body, use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own...

seriously. amazing stuff. i'm not afraid to share that i literally had tears in my eyes listening to it. i don't know if it was because i was on such a high after my workout... or if it's because i'm getting older and realizing just how true all of these points are... or just simply feeling nostalgic for a time when i wasn't becoming so "adult."

but, truthfully, i think it was the point about being young and having so much possiblity before you. i think about where i thought i was heading in life when i graduated from college and compare it with where i have ended up. they are such different places, but that's ok. you know why? it's because i have a wonderful life. and you know what else? the possiblities are still endless. they will continue to be. we must all constantly grow and change and adapt. life is too short to let opportunities pass us by and it is too short to ever let our imaginations shut down.

with that, i should mention that i'm meeting with the director of global soul international (coincidentially named chad) next week to talk about volunteer opportunities. i'm excited to see what he has to say!!

10 random facts about me

1. i am obsessed with photography blogs. i love them. i read them every day and live vicariously through the photographers. i am saving up for a nikon d60 and in the meantime am pouring over photography books like understanding exposure and the adobe photoshop cs4 book for digital photographers. maybe one day i'll be able to take photos that are half as good as some of these folks: Esther Havens Photography, Gary Chapman Photography, Jasmine Star Photography, The Beautiful Mess (owned and operated by a guy i went to high school with and his uber-talented wife), and Love the Schultzes. there are many more photographers that i follow online, but these are some of my favorites.

2. i am obsessed with goals. i have fitness goals, financial goals, weekend goals (get "insert chore here" done). for example, i decided last fall that i was going to run a half marathon this year... well, i've done that, am doing the cascade lakes relay in a couple of weeks, and the portland marathon in october. my half marathon turned into a running trifecta... and that's just the way i like it.

3. my dog is my child. i love her like i imagine i will love my future human children. i worry for her safety, i spoil her, i'm proud of her when she learns something new, and i love, love, love cuddling with her. she makes me happy.

4. i have a husband (and a dog!) that can't sit still, which is probably why we're so good together. if we have a day off, we're off to the lake, on a hike, golfing, biking or playing tennis. he also hates shopping. i think he's been a good influence on my fitness level and my spending habits.

5. i have nervous breakdowns when things are messy or out of place -- not so good when you live with a man and a dog. when they first arrived in oregon in february, i was constantly stressed out about my messy car for WEEKS! i still hate that there is dog hair, dirt and dust everywhere in my car... but i try not to get upset about it.

6. i have visited 9 countries and lived for a period of time in 2 of them (france for 13 months and new zealand for nearly 4 years). next up: chile and peru in 2011 (see? another goal.).

7. my husband and i had a fairy tale start to our relationship. we met in france where we lived at an abbey, and on our first date we kissed in front of a castle. we both cried at the paris airport when we had to leave each other because, at the time, we didn't know when we'd see each other again. and then he missed me so much, he asked me to move to new zealand to be with him -- and it took me about 1/2 a day to decide to go. that's just how i roll.

8. if my checkbook isn't up-to-date down to the penny at any given point, i feel unsettled! weird but true. i like knowing exactly how much money i have.

9. chad and i are one of those fancy couples that own property overseas -- we have a house in new zealand. not because we necessarily want to, though. we tried to sell it last year and couldn't, so we put tenants in it. we'll put it back on the market late this year. better luck this time.

10. ice cream and espresso are two of my favorite things. put them together in a milkshake and i'm one happy girl.

blue skies... smiling at me...

nothing but blue skies... do i see...

yes, that's right, we haven't seen the rain in oregon for several days now! yippee! in fact, i even put shorts on yesterday. yes, shorts at the end of june - crazy thought, right?

it's amazing how good you feel when the warm sun hits your face. i think that's the good thing about spring and all the rain. it makes you appreciate the great weather so much more when sun finally comes your way, and not take the sun for granted. this logic could be applied to a lot of things in life, as i'm sure we've all experienced.

this week was quite something. i got a lot done:

i signed up as a monthly donor to the un refugee agency and am currently filling out a volunteer application for global soul international.

i met with the panel members for the new zealand vs. oregon pinot noir "faceoff" tasting i'm organizing to raise money for ¡salud!

i celebrated my 1 year anniversary at adelsheim - and therefore could finally become a responsible adult and sign up for a 401k.

we made a decision on packaging changes for our wallace brook label. (yay! forward motion!)

we started making plans for the winery's 40th anniversary next year - quite the event line-up!

coming up:
i'll run 9 miles in the morning with team in training!! then i'll be helping on saturday, sunday, monday and tuesday with oregon pinot camp!

on monday, chad and i will also be attending a lecture called "food, labor and immigration," which should be extremely interesting - especially given chad's work as a viticulturist managing a non-english speaking all-hispanic crew.

all this while the blue skies keep smiling! :-)

what i'm thankful for today - seasons. winter and spring make you really appreciate summer when it finally makes an appearance! fall is simply gorgeous.

my internal conflict

on tuesday night, i watched the movie beyond borders which we had from netflix. i actually used to own the movie and lost it somewhere along the way (i think it ended up being left behind at the abbey in pontlevoy). at any rate, i can honestly say that it is one of my favorite movies ever made. it touches me beyond words; i was literally crying throughout the movie. i know exactly how angelina feels when she is at the charity ball and clive owen bursts in with the ethiopian boy. he starts talking about life in the western world, about champagne, and dancing, and the wastefulness of it all... all while the ethiopian boy he has brought lives on less than 300 calories a day. she breaks out in tears and the next thing you know, she is in africa bringing medical supplies and food - and ends up working for the united nations refugee agency (UNHCR).

you probably all know that during college and after graduation, i had longed for a career in diplomacy, international relations or international development. after a failed attempt at a state department internship in bangkok in 2003, i applied for the peace corps. i was halfway through the application process (about to get my medical exam) when i got the offer to go work in france. and we all know that's where i met chad and went to new zealand and ended up in the wine industry.

i love working in this industry, don't get me wrong. wine people are very passionate about what they do - not only that, but they are just plain fun. the wine we make is really beautiful and i certainly enjoy drinking it. wine bonds people and is part of some very memorable social experiences. it sparks conversation, it speaks to its home, it comes in many different forms, it is wrapped up in cultures all over the globe - in much the same way as cuisine. oh, and my office looks out on a vineyard. seriously. it's a beautiful place to be.

that said, over the last nearly six years in the industry, i have really struggled to come to grips with what i do. when it comes down to it, i'm not helping anyone. what i'm doing is promoting a product that is a discretionary expense. i deal with people with too much money and too many coture clothes for their own good. winemaking is farming and fermenting fruit. however, people make it out to be much more important than it actually is. i help sell $75 bottles of wine when what i really want to do - if i'm completely 100% honest - is send that $75 to the UNHCR for refugees. i mean, really, there are 10.5 MILLION refugees in the world right now. can you imagine being uprooted from your home, never able to return due to war, civil unrest, persecution or otherwise...? walking for days upon days just to get to some help, facing wild animals, crazy guys with machine guns, rape, murder, torture along the way? that really puts things into perspective, doesn't it? watch the movie hotel rwanda if you want to see it in full moving color. the quote "you're black. not only are you black, but you're african" makes me, in a word, sad.

today i came across the blog of photographer joni kabana who is from here in oregon. she recently spent some time in ethiopia documenting maternal medical projects. i had no idea that something like fistulas even existed. the fact that joni met an 8-year-old girl with one because she had been sodomized just makes me completely disgusted by what horrible things one human being can inflict on another. even more than that, the fact that women in the developing world walk for days to get to these clinics is astonishing. many of them are turned away because there is so much need for help and there are so few doctors. one of the things joni talked about was the pain of turning someone away when you knew their need was just as great as the person you chose to help. how do you decide who gets helped and who doesn't?

i want to donate to global soul international. i want to help. i want to buy that nikon d90 and learn every nook and cranny so i can help tell stories like the stories of these women in ethiopia or the stories of the refugees that unhcr helps on a daily basis. i want to travel abroad and volunteer. i just can't shake that need to help, even when sitting here in my air conditioned office looking out on the vineyard and drinking my readily available cold and clean water. for now, i donate. then i learn. then i travel.

watch this space. and in the meantime, donate to UNHCR, global soul international, or one of the many hundreds of aid organizations that exist, if you can. even $15 helps.

p.s. the thing i'm grateful for today is technology. without it, stories like those joni heard in ethiopia wouldn't get told as easily or to as many people.

summer tunes

i walked through the cellar today and the guys were all jamming to Fat Freddy's Drop, a favorite new zealand band of mine. chad and i saw them in concert at Peregrine Wines during my first summer in nz. in fact, we took in a cooler (aka "chilly bin") containing cans of red bull and a bag of ice. when the lady at the gate asked us if we had vodka in our bag of ice, we just awkwardly laughed because, well, we actually did. thankfully she let us through anyway - which made for a fun night, lol! at any rate, this band is one of my favorites, especially for sitting out next to the bbq on a warm summer's evening... or just for listening to at your desk, which i'm doing as we speak.

you can find them here on itunes.

in other news, i promised yesterday that i'd try to keep a "things i'm thankful for" list going. here is day 2:

i am thankful that i have a healthy body which allows me to do things like run a 216.6 mile relay! t minus 5 weeks and 3 days until the cascade lakes relay. i see LOTS of hill training in my near future...

goals before 30

in three days, i'll turn 29, which means there is still a lot to do before i hit the new decade.

i can't say that 28 has been bad, that is for sure. the last year brought a lot of changes. in fact, it was my last birthday which saw chad flying back to nz (not the best of birthday presents, but hey...). the fact that we got married, he and fife are now in oregon, and he is working as viticulturist is pretty fantastic!

so, with that, here are some things i want to accomplish within the next 368 days:

1) run the cascade lakes relay and the portland marathon (training in progress)

2) sell the house in nz; explore options for buying here in the valley

3) start a 401k (i.e. finally be a responsible adult) - plus some other financial goals

4) buy a nikon d90, keep reading photography books and blogs, and see if we can't create some acceptable images!

5) go to nz for dane and julia's wedding and christmas with the douglas clan

6) book trip to chile and peru (even if the actual travel doesn't happen until after my 30th birthday)

so, now that this is all out in public, i'll be held accountable!

the abbey brewery

chad asked me the other day what i wanted for my birthday and i said that this might be a good opportunity to get the abbey (home) brewery going (because, really, what girl doesn't want a bunch of buckets, hoses and a carboy for her birthday?). i started reading the complete joy of homebrewing last night to get myself psyched up. i bought that book a couple of months ago, but since we didn't have any equipment yet, i hadn't done anything with it. this could yield some interesting results...

we joke that we're going to call it the abbey brewery since we met at an abbey. this would make a nice label, would it not?

i have some pretty incredible friends

people truly amaze me. while sometimes - i'm being honest here - they can be annoying, rude, and just generally drive me crazy, there are many, many people in this world that truly inspire me - my friends.

let's start with my friends from college - yes, all of them are beautiful, smart, driven and doing amazing things in life. but i specifically want to mention dr. jamie sage (dr. wachtor before she got married last year). she and i did our undergrad together at ferris and then she went on to become a dentist and today graduated (again!) this time with her degree in orthodontics. she has been in college for eleven years - ELEVEN YEARS! she is one smart cookie and i'm so excited and proud to know that she has accomplished something so great.

then there's my friend lindy, who is moving to mexico in a week where her husband is going to work with the state department. if i had one regret in my life (and i don't really believe in regrets because it was always what we wanted at the time), it would be that i left the opportunity to work at the u.s. embassy in bangkok in 2003 and never again got to follow my dream of being in international relations or diplomacy. i will be living vicariously through lindy and travis. i am so excited for them (and very excited that they will have a guest room, a pool, and a 30 minute drive to the beach!). vacation anyone?

while we're on the academia topic, let's also mention my friend carolyn who started her phd in economics last year. let's also mention that she just spent several years living in france working for one of the biggest french banks. currently, she is going to school, practically living at the library, and planning a wedding at the same time.

there are so many more people i could mention, but then this post would be a hundred pages long.

it is truly amazing to have met so many wonderful, smart, driven people in my short years on this earth. i love the power of social media and that it allows me to follow them, vicariously, in their exciting life adventures. i only wish we were all closer so i could see them more than once every 3, or 5, or 7 years or so.

on the road again... i start running again on saturday!

for those of you that don't know, i have signed up again for team in training, this time to do the portland marathon (yes, the full 26.2 miles - i must be insane). i am doing it for a reason bigger than myself - to raise money for the leukemia and lymphoma society to help people like our honored teammates emily, karin, mark and caleb. caleb was diagnosed with burkitts lymphoma in july 2007 at age 9. thankfully, it is in remission, but not without him having to go through chemo and all the awful things that come along with it. unfortunately, 7 months after he was diagnosed, his mother was diagnosed with cancer. nine months after that, her mother was diagnosed with cancer. what a horrible thing - i just can't imagine.

i bet you didn't know that blood cancers are the leading cause of death of children in america. the leukemia and lymphoma society (LLS) gives $1 million a week to fund blood cancer research. in fact, they funded the research of a doctor at OHSU who created the drug Gleevac. people who were previously told they weren't going to live very long are now able to take a little orange pill. this one little orange pill targets the bad cells as compared to chemo which can't tell the difference between good cells and bad cells. that all happened right here in Oregon.

there are 11 support groups for people with blood cancers in the portland area, including a group for young adults and another for spanish speakers. funds from LLS support these groups.

LLS also has a co-pay assistance program, which means a patient can get up to $10,000 from LLS to help pay their medical bills. LLS can contributed $15 million per annum to this program.

they have a program called first connection which pairs up cancer surviors with newly diagnosed patients for information and support.

finally, LLS is involved in advocacy. because of their efforts, health insurance in Oregon now has to cover your standard care if you participate in a medical trial. previously, insurance companies wouldn't cover medical trials.

and so, for all of these reasons, i am running a marathon on 10/10/10. i would appreciate your support by tax-deducible monetary donation at my fundraising website. my goal is to raise a minimum of $1,250 and my friend kim has gotten the ball rolling with the first $50 donation. $1200 to go!!! please help me help LLS.

nikon d90 - i have my eye on you

one of my goals for 2010, aside from doing my "running trifecta" is to save up money to buy this guy:
a nikon d90 dslr camera

oh, and to learn how to use it! i just bought a book on amazon called "understanding exposure" and it sounds like i'll get another one for my birthday entitled "the adobe photoshop cs4 book for digital photographers."

for a long time, i have secretly coveted beautiful photography and pored over photography blogs on a daily basis. i will be the first to admit that i've never been the "creative type," but i'm very excited to start a new hobby! thinking long term, i eventually want to learn film photography and have my own darkroom - but that may be a few years down the line.

every time i go into portland and see the urban area in all its splendor (and the folks up there that definitely aren't afraid to express themselves), i wish i had a camera in hand. same goes for living in beautiful oregon wine country - the green hills, the vineyard cycles, the people working hard in the fields - it's an absolutely stunning place to be. oh, and of course, the coast, where fife likes to run wild on the beaches and chase after seagulls. my camera phone just ain't doin' it anymore!!

speaking of which, here is one of the wee girl at cannon beach this last weekend:

so, watch this space. maybe you'll see some photos here sooner rather than later!