word for the day: discouraged

i had another physical therapy treatment this morning and discussed the option to postpone the marathon with my therapist.  we both agreed it would be in my best interest to switch to the spring season (eugene marathon).  that will give me 3 months to rest my leg, do some strengthening exercises and try to correct the muscle imbalances.


i'm not going to lie, i'm not happy.  to have trained all this time and not be able to cross the finish line with my team pretty much sucks.  but, from all accounts, the eugene marathon is a cool event and (added bonus) at least one of my current teammates will be running the season with me.  oh, and my funds for TNT transfer with me.  so, all is not lost. 


unfortunately, the weather today is cold and rainy, so i think that's just exacerbating my discouraged mood.  i'm drowning my sorrows in a latte. 

i hate quitting.

the portland marathon is 19 days away and i have 3 days to decide if i'm running it or not. if i don't run it, i can still transfer to another season (probably the summer season and do the eugene marathon on 5/1/11) and not lose too much of the money i fundraised.

but i hate quitting. the competitor in me wants to run (we're "thisclose" to the race and i've been training for 4 months!).

knee -- you're killing me here!!!

iliotibial what?

i kind of suck at blogs! i always get really excited about the prospect of keeping a blog, but then i suddenly realize that i haven't posted in two months, which kind of defeats the purpose of keeping a blog.

at any rate, the big news lately is that i have been battling with iliotibial band syndrome (according to wikipedia, one of the leading causes of lateral knee pain in runners). with the portland marathon less than 3 weeks away, i am getting less and less optimistic about actually accomplishing my marathon goal this year. which, i'm not going to lie, is a huge bummer considering i've now put 4 months of time into it (7 if you count the half marathon training from january to april). but when i can barely make it through the first 6 miles of a 20 mile run, i'm not so sure that 4 1/2 hours of running in excruciating pain sounds like fun.

so, i'm very, very, very cautiously optimistic that this thing will work itself out before 10/10/10. after all, it came on without warning, so perhaps it will go away without warning. in the meantime, i'm going to physical therapy and hoping that will help.

next year, I might try biking instead!

10 random facts about me

1. i am obsessed with photography blogs. i love them. i read them every day and live vicariously through the photographers. i am saving up for a nikon d60 and in the meantime am pouring over photography books like understanding exposure and the adobe photoshop cs4 book for digital photographers. maybe one day i'll be able to take photos that are half as good as some of these folks: Esther Havens Photography, Gary Chapman Photography, Jasmine Star Photography, The Beautiful Mess (owned and operated by a guy i went to high school with and his uber-talented wife), and Love the Schultzes. there are many more photographers that i follow online, but these are some of my favorites.

2. i am obsessed with goals. i have fitness goals, financial goals, weekend goals (get "insert chore here" done). for example, i decided last fall that i was going to run a half marathon this year... well, i've done that, am doing the cascade lakes relay in a couple of weeks, and the portland marathon in october. my half marathon turned into a running trifecta... and that's just the way i like it.

3. my dog is my child. i love her like i imagine i will love my future human children. i worry for her safety, i spoil her, i'm proud of her when she learns something new, and i love, love, love cuddling with her. she makes me happy.

4. i have a husband (and a dog!) that can't sit still, which is probably why we're so good together. if we have a day off, we're off to the lake, on a hike, golfing, biking or playing tennis. he also hates shopping. i think he's been a good influence on my fitness level and my spending habits.

5. i have nervous breakdowns when things are messy or out of place -- not so good when you live with a man and a dog. when they first arrived in oregon in february, i was constantly stressed out about my messy car for WEEKS! i still hate that there is dog hair, dirt and dust everywhere in my car... but i try not to get upset about it.

6. i have visited 9 countries and lived for a period of time in 2 of them (france for 13 months and new zealand for nearly 4 years). next up: chile and peru in 2011 (see? another goal.).

7. my husband and i had a fairy tale start to our relationship. we met in france where we lived at an abbey, and on our first date we kissed in front of a castle. we both cried at the paris airport when we had to leave each other because, at the time, we didn't know when we'd see each other again. and then he missed me so much, he asked me to move to new zealand to be with him -- and it took me about 1/2 a day to decide to go. that's just how i roll.

8. if my checkbook isn't up-to-date down to the penny at any given point, i feel unsettled! weird but true. i like knowing exactly how much money i have.

9. chad and i are one of those fancy couples that own property overseas -- we have a house in new zealand. not because we necessarily want to, though. we tried to sell it last year and couldn't, so we put tenants in it. we'll put it back on the market late this year. better luck this time.

10. ice cream and espresso are two of my favorite things. put them together in a milkshake and i'm one happy girl.

summer tunes

i walked through the cellar today and the guys were all jamming to Fat Freddy's Drop, a favorite new zealand band of mine. chad and i saw them in concert at Peregrine Wines during my first summer in nz. in fact, we took in a cooler (aka "chilly bin") containing cans of red bull and a bag of ice. when the lady at the gate asked us if we had vodka in our bag of ice, we just awkwardly laughed because, well, we actually did. thankfully she let us through anyway - which made for a fun night, lol! at any rate, this band is one of my favorites, especially for sitting out next to the bbq on a warm summer's evening... or just for listening to at your desk, which i'm doing as we speak.

you can find them here on itunes.

in other news, i promised yesterday that i'd try to keep a "things i'm thankful for" list going. here is day 2:

i am thankful that i have a healthy body which allows me to do things like run a 216.6 mile relay! t minus 5 weeks and 3 days until the cascade lakes relay. i see LOTS of hill training in my near future...

goals before 30

in three days, i'll turn 29, which means there is still a lot to do before i hit the new decade.

i can't say that 28 has been bad, that is for sure. the last year brought a lot of changes. in fact, it was my last birthday which saw chad flying back to nz (not the best of birthday presents, but hey...). the fact that we got married, he and fife are now in oregon, and he is working as viticulturist is pretty fantastic!

so, with that, here are some things i want to accomplish within the next 368 days:

1) run the cascade lakes relay and the portland marathon (training in progress)

2) sell the house in nz; explore options for buying here in the valley

3) start a 401k (i.e. finally be a responsible adult) - plus some other financial goals

4) buy a nikon d90, keep reading photography books and blogs, and see if we can't create some acceptable images!

5) go to nz for dane and julia's wedding and christmas with the douglas clan

6) book trip to chile and peru (even if the actual travel doesn't happen until after my 30th birthday)

so, now that this is all out in public, i'll be held accountable!

on the road again... i start running again on saturday!

for those of you that don't know, i have signed up again for team in training, this time to do the portland marathon (yes, the full 26.2 miles - i must be insane). i am doing it for a reason bigger than myself - to raise money for the leukemia and lymphoma society to help people like our honored teammates emily, karin, mark and caleb. caleb was diagnosed with burkitts lymphoma in july 2007 at age 9. thankfully, it is in remission, but not without him having to go through chemo and all the awful things that come along with it. unfortunately, 7 months after he was diagnosed, his mother was diagnosed with cancer. nine months after that, her mother was diagnosed with cancer. what a horrible thing - i just can't imagine.

i bet you didn't know that blood cancers are the leading cause of death of children in america. the leukemia and lymphoma society (LLS) gives $1 million a week to fund blood cancer research. in fact, they funded the research of a doctor at OHSU who created the drug Gleevac. people who were previously told they weren't going to live very long are now able to take a little orange pill. this one little orange pill targets the bad cells as compared to chemo which can't tell the difference between good cells and bad cells. that all happened right here in Oregon.

there are 11 support groups for people with blood cancers in the portland area, including a group for young adults and another for spanish speakers. funds from LLS support these groups.

LLS also has a co-pay assistance program, which means a patient can get up to $10,000 from LLS to help pay their medical bills. LLS can contributed $15 million per annum to this program.

they have a program called first connection which pairs up cancer surviors with newly diagnosed patients for information and support.

finally, LLS is involved in advocacy. because of their efforts, health insurance in Oregon now has to cover your standard care if you participate in a medical trial. previously, insurance companies wouldn't cover medical trials.

and so, for all of these reasons, i am running a marathon on 10/10/10. i would appreciate your support by tax-deducible monetary donation at my fundraising website. my goal is to raise a minimum of $1,250 and my friend kim has gotten the ball rolling with the first $50 donation. $1200 to go!!! please help me help LLS.

every day is a good day

today was team in training saturday run, week 3. we did 6 miles (48.17) in the quaint little area around ne 33rd near grant track. i had the pleasure of running with a gentleman named bob jordan, who lost his 5 1/2 year old daughter to leukemia about 13 years ago.

before our run, bob and his wife spoke about the moment they took their daughter to the doctor, presumably for a cold, and heard her diagnosis. they talked about the hospital visits, the chemo, the cute little things their daughter did that they have burned into their memories.

for example, i learned that bob has done 33 marathons and 13 (?) ironman triathlons. one of his major goals was to qualify for the hawaii ironman. apparently they have a lottery system, so bob was going that route to get in. around the time of his birthday, he applied. his daughter wanted to get him a present and knew that the only thing he wanted at the time (aside from her getting better, of course) was to qualify. so, with the help of bob's wife, little emily drafted a letter explaining that she was in the hospital and why, and that she wanted to give her dad the one thing he wanted most - a spot in the hawaii ironman. what committee can resist that? bob obviously got a spot in the 1997 event. however, little emily went into a coma and died 4 days later. this was six months out from the event, so he poured his heart into his training and was actually featured on cbs news with this wonderful human interest story. what a great gift from his late daughter.

(read the story on the ironman website here)

but i must say that for all bob has been through, he is the most positive man i have ever met. you know what he said to me today?

"since we last saw emily and last walked out of that hospital, i have vowed that every day is going to be a good day. i can't have another bad day, because i know what a bad day is really like."

i think that is an incredibly amazing perspective and goes along with the first post that i put on my blog - start really living, we're really dying. we are not on this earth for very long. the things that we think are worth getting all bent out of shape about really aren't worth getting bent out of shape at all. who cares about traffic jams, financial issues, having to get up for work on a monday morning, not having anything to wear... whatever it is, it doesn't matter.

what matters is that we are healthy, we have a support system of friends and family, we have jobs, we have a roof over our heads and food in our fridge. we have a lot of things that many, many people in life simply don't have.

my goal for my life is to live like bob -
every day is a good day.

start living... we are really dying

the church I attend started a 5 week series the other day about "really living." what would you do if you had 6 months left to live? tim mcgraw's song "live like you were dying" was played and i couldn't believe what a great gift i had been given that day - to be reminded that we are not here forever. take advantage of the time god has given you - seize the day, carpe diem and all that. i think we all know in the back of our minds that we should "just do it" instead of "putting it off until someday," but we all get caught up in our daily lives and simply forget. before we know it, "someday" turns into "6 months left to live." so, i am reminded - stop waiting for "someday" and make things happen.

i have to admit that i really enjoy my life right now. like everyone, that feeling sometimes slips away (think "i hate monday mornings!" and "why don't i have more money?" and "i wish i had more vacation time."). i am definitely very guilty of that.

but isn't it great to know that you have a bed to get out of on Monday mornings, that you have a roof over your head, running water, food... that you even have a job to go to when so many others don't right now?

isn't it great to know that you have two legs that work, that you even have the physical ability to go to the gym and work out? isn't is great to know that you are healthy. that your car, however crappy you think it might be, was not in the car accident that i witnessed on i-5 a few days ago? that you made it home safely from work, the gym, the grocery store... to tuck yourself into your comfortable bed?

isn't it great to know that we have loved ones in our lives who will be there for us in case something unthinkable ever did happen to us?

i, for one, am very thankful. i'm so glad that i have the opportunity to run a half marathon, that i have fantasic friends and a supportive and loving family, that i have a great job that i truly enjoy... and if i ever start complaining, i give you all permission to smack me upside the head and bring me to my senses.

to close, i'll leave you with the chorus in tim mcgraw's song, live like you were dying, and my bucket list (at least for the next five years):

i went skydiving,
i went rocky mountain climbing,
i went two point seven seconds on a bull named fu man chu,
and i loved deeper,
and i spoke sweeter,
and i gave forgiveness i'd been denyin'

and he said, someday i hope you get the chance
to live like you were dying


my bucket list
- run a half marathon, a marathon, an olympic duathlon, and the hood to coast relay at least once
- buy a dslr camera and learn how to use it (instead of sitting back and coveting beautiful photography, why not do it myself?)
- finally take a cheese-making course (or 10)
- buy an around the world ticket and travel for weeks, if not months, to south america, eastern europe, central america and maybe asia if there's time... hike macchu picchu... walk on the great wall of china
- roadtrip across the united states with my mom and sister
- ride in a hot air balloon and a helicopter with my husband
- climb at least one mountain - even mt. hood would be awesome
- go bungee jumping, and not the woosie 40 meter one either
- hike and camp non-stop with my husband and our dog, because when it comes down to it, sharing nature with my favorite people truly makes me happiest
- and what the heck - go skydiving again, but this time from the highest elevation possible